When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.

"Likewise, the church in our day is to be holy. The church is not a voluntary association to be governed as its members see fit, but a dwelling place of God. It ought to be structured according the orders of its commander, the Lord Jesus Christ. Our families and our homes are to reflect the spiritual purity, beauty, and orderliness that was temporarily pictured through the tabernacle and is now supremely set forth in Jesus Christ Himself."
~Vern Poythress, The Shadow of Christ in the Law of Moses

But, Vern ... and I hope it's okay to call you "Vern" ... methinks a big problem in the churches in the US of A is that they are seen as and operate as "a voluntary association to be governed as its members see fit."

Consequently, their families don't "reflect the spiritual purity, beauty, and orderliness" they ought. It may or may not be a uniquely American problem, but "We the people" is great for ordering a nation, but for a church it must be "You, the Lord, Jesus."

And this here's the TV. 2 hours a day, either educational or football, so you don't ruin your appreciation of the finer things.

Keeping with acrostics, I spend time in pre-marital counseling talking about S.M.I.R.K., 5 areas of potential conflict in marriage. I encourage couples to think and talk through these issues ahead of time, preferably prior to engagement ... but who am I kidding?

S … Sexuality

• To what extent have you shared your sexual past?
• What boundaries have you set prior to marriage?
• How important is the sexual side of a marriage relationship?
• How important is it to your potential spouse?
• How have past experiences impacted your views regarding sexuality?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?
  

M … Money

• Who will write out the checks, etc. to pay the bills?
• Who will balance the check book?
• Have you constructed a budget?
• How will big decisions be determined? Small decisions?
  
• Will you both work? Either way, how will household tasks be performed?
• Have you written a will?
• What are your thoughts and goals regarding debt, savings, and retirement?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?

I … In-Laws

• What boundaries have you established where family is concerned?
• What are the in-laws’ expectations of their new son/daughter-in-law?
• Have you discussed how you will handle family holidays?
• If there is divorce in your families, what have you learned from such exposure/experience? What are the grounds for divorce for you?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?

R … Religion

• How are your religious journeys/backgrounds different?
• What spiritual/church issues have you already discussed?
• Any compromises reached?
• What is your plan for developing the family’s spiritual growth?
• What is your anticipated participation in your church (e.g., attendance, finances, responsibilities, etc.)?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?

K … Kids

• If both parents work, who will look after the children?
• To what extent have you discussed your plans regarding children (e.g., how many, contraception, discipline, attire, religious instruction, schooling, etc.)?
• In the event of your deaths, who would raise your children?
• How do your children feel about the marriage? How have you discussed the upcoming changes?
• How does Bible address these issues so that your views might differ from the culture's?

General Questions:

• Why do you think you should get married?
• What counsel did you receive to encourage you to marriage?
• How do your families feel about you getting married?
  
• Are you in love? How do you know?
• What do you enjoy doing together?
• If one spouse is not going to be a stay-at-home parent, how will you allocate household chores?
• How do you demonstrate love to your potential spouse? How does your spouse prefer to be loved?
  
• What are your plans for conflict resolution?

You're born into a family. You do not join them like you do the Marines.

During a recent pastors luncheon, Bruce White asked a question, the gist of which was, "Would your kids want to grow up and have a family like the one of which they are a part?"

In other words, would your kids say, "When I grow up, I want to have a family just like this one"?

That's a sobering question, isn't it?